Oh, I'm funny.

I'm reading over my past blog entries and seeing my expectations for the triathlon, and they make me laugh and laugh. I was SO misinformed/arrogant/naive. Here is a copy of the blog I posted on myspace. I may add a bit more to it tomorrow:

So. Sunday was the Napa Valley Triathlon. Swim .5 miles, bike 15 miles, run 4 miles. I've been planing on this since December.

I swam .5 miles, biked 7 miles, that was it. So what happened?

Most of all, I was not prepared. I wasn't prepared for how hard it was going to be. Didn't know how hilly the road was, and I didn't have a bike at all until about a month before the race. That was an old cruiser that was unacceptable for racing. So I rode a friend's mountain bike which I had ridden once before.

The half mile looks like a LOT more out there in a lake than swimming back and forth in the pool. I thought about turning back before I even got to the first buoy. I just hated it as soon as I took off in the water. I wasn't afraid of the water, but I was just some strange brand of terrified in general. The thoughts were, "What am I doing? I can't do this! I have to get out of the water!" But I did it. Thankfully, I had asked if I could use flippers, so I was the only person with them. Thanks to those and the wetsuit, I FLEW! On my own, I had done the half mile in 25 minutes in the pool. I am NOT a good swimmer. In the race, it took me 16 minutes. I was on my back, hands together above my head, like a little torpedo. I swam on top of people a few times. I just plowed through that sucker. Still hated it.

At the transition, as I was taking off the wetsuit and getting shoes on for the bike, I told Seth that I was never doing that again. He thought I was joking.

Pretty much as soon as I got out on the road, I wanted to puke. And the hills just weren't ending. I knew the course was rolling, but it was out of control. I crept up the hills like a snail, only to find relief when flying down the other side. But I knew that for all the blessed relief I was feeling, I was going to have to climb that hill again on the way back. As the mile markers c-r-e-p-t by, my disillusionment grew. I just didn't want to be there. I finally turned around at about 3.5 miles. I was just done. Perfect mental clarity. I stopped on the side of the road at one point to rest before facing one of the hills, and there I threw my camelback off on the side of the road because it started leaking. I was just having none of it.

I got back to the transition point and just put my bike up and went back to find Seth where he was sitting. I didn't need or want to do the run. I knew that I could do the run if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I had seen how far away that 2 mile mark was and the hills I had to climb to get to it. I just didn't want it. It wasn't important enough to me to keep pushing through to the puking and making myself more miserable.

Was I disappointed? Yes. A little pissy about it all day. I set out to do this. I was waiting to put "is a triathlete!" in my status bar here. But I hated it from the moment I got in the water. I resented the training beforehand. I guess I'm just not a triathlete.

After the fact, though, some things come to mind: I could have rested once in a while on the bike course and just accepted taking a really long time. I was sick- had a cold for 4 days before the race, still have it a little bit today. It's actually possible that I had food poisoning because I had a headache and wanted to puke for much of the day.

So, these things, together with having my own bike and knowing how much I need to train on hills, they make me think that maybe I'll try again at some point. Right now, I'm very glad that I attempted it. I'm proud about the swim part, at least. I'm glad it's over and I can do whatever I want for my workouts, instead of always feeling like I should be working on swimming or something.

So, thanks to everyone who thought of me and was cheering me on in your heart. Sorry I choked, but I'll stick with improving on my half marathon times. Middle-distance run/walking- that's what I'm good at.

This is it!

Tomorrow morning is my triathlon. I am sick, on my period, my mother- and brother-in-law will be here Monday morning, I discovered that I have an irrational fear of the deep water, and I also have a small paper to write before next week's class.

All will be well. I know that a lot of the overwhelmed-ness that I feel is a) rational based upon the above list, and b) a result of the first two items on the list. Dayquil + cramps don't make for a logical, well-reasoned day.

I'm not really worried about the race, just nervous. I want to do it right. I don't want to chafe or anything. I don't WANT to be afraid in the water. I don't plan on being so. I'm caught up in picking out the right clothes, figuring out what else I need to take because we're camping out there tonight, and Seth is coming out later with the dog. I've been cleaning, shopping, packing, trying not to freak out.

I'll let you know how it goes!!